College Essay

Recently, social media platforms such as TikTok have sparked a question, would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear? This question was designed to allow women to highlight the misogyny and fear that is so deeply ingrained in American gender dynamics. My dad brought the question up to me, saying it was redundant and wouldn’t change anything. I argued that it doesn’t have to be anything more than a question, something to provoke thought. The hyperbolic and rhetorical nature of the question is why I argued it should be asked, while he believed the complete opposite, stating that it shouldn't be asked at all because it is unrealistic. On my first day of 11th grade, my mom gave me a taser and pepper spray to carry in my backpack telling me that I might need it someday and it is better to be prepared than unarmed. I have yet to use either. Perhaps it was because of living in this context that when I first heard the question I didn’t think much of it, but it started to show up more and I heard more women speak up about reasons to choose the bear. The crux and core of the question assumes a man that is as random to you as the bear you meet in the woods. After all, there are survival protocols for bears, a bear wouldn’t change its behavior when it realized you were alone in the woods without a witness, a bear wouldn’t do anything with your body after you were dead. The worst a bear could do is kill you. I sat there for an hour trying to explain to my dad what it feels like to constantly be looking over your shoulder, terrified someone would come up behind you the second you aren’t paying attention. He just told me that there were things I could do to better prepare myself for those situations and that living in fear is no way to live. I have spent weeks mulling over this conversation, trying to come up with a way to better explain my experience. I’m struggling to come to terms with the idea that he will never truly understand what women go through, and may never make the effort to sympathize on a deeper level. While this question is meant to help women share their experience it has also led to demographics of men lashing out in response and attacking advocates for the question. The rhetoric of the question is hyperbolic and designed to be hypothetical, however, the dystopian reality we see when hearing answers no longer feels hyperbolic. The fact that the majority of women would rather be alone with a wild animal than a random man says a lot about the culture misogyny has bred. It is not meant as an attack, it is simply a way for women to connect with one another through a shared experience and help men understand the reality of being a woman. I would choose the bear, and so would every woman I know. However, I understand that it is “not all men” that I need to be cautious of. I have men in my life that I cherish deeply and would trust with my life, but I have also encountered men that have intentionally put me in harm's way. I hear so many horror stories about women being brutally attacked or disappearing completely at the hands of a man that it becomes increasingly difficult to look past a life riddled with fear. Having this conversation with my dad helped me to bridge the gap between a man thinking about the graphic undertones implied by women choosing a bear over a stranger and my own experience. It has also taught me that trying to change someone’s opinion to match yours is nearly impossible, but also doesn’t encourage deeper thinking.